I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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