Just fell off a train. Bad.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
