Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
