I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I could fuck to npr.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
