Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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