We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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