i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
