Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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