a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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