I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
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Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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