I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Those nachos came to me in a dream
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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