she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
