I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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