Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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