I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
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Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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