Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
