i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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