Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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