So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
