Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
