I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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