I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
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