Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
