You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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