He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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