walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize