eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize