His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
