when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize