his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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