even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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