1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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