dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
