hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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