is wine microwaveable?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
