You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
