i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
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Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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