i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
