just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
