Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
They have beer where we have blood.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
