Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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