alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i out mim tonsoeep
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize