don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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