I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
