If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
