I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
