i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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