i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
