i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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