I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
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He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
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Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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