i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
