they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
