Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
