So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
