Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
