I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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