Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
