I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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