Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
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I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
is it fun? or sober?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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