he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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