I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
