birth control should be required to get into college
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
