Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
