I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
