it was like his penis was on wheels.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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